THE RITE PLACES

                  

"WITH A TOUNG LIKE  A COW, SHE CAN MAKE YOU GO WOW"

Frank Zappa - 1979

I know, I know.... its a little heavy.  But so is having an erect penis shoved/waved in your face on a sunny Friday afternoon while minding your own P's and Q's passively on the tram. Or how about when taking a stroll down a beautiful -and may I add extreeeemly busy- public street to come across a doosh bag dressed in a white track-suit huffing and puffing while his little chub chub is getting a work out in the breeze. Ohh wait! Wait! I have another one for you! Yeah! Or that time when you and your friends went to picnic in the park just to be distracted by the man darting in and out of the peripheral bushes. One time with his belt undone, the other with his hands down the front of his pants, and then emerging with the savage beast out front for all to see. There  have been more than these close encounters with the perv kind and let me assure you they CAN in fact encounter you. Yes, the dirty plebs reach up your dress during rush hour on the metro and then there is the  "ohh it is so packed on this bus that I just need to jam my waist of man-hood into your thigh or lower back" with no sorry,  just this disgusting smug mug,  slimily sneering at you.   

You smarmy looser fucks, I want to kick your ass. Ohh I do so badly want to kick your ass. But in these moments I am so taken aback by your actual audacity that I freeze up cold and cryogenic, all Walt-like.   Afterwards when I thaw out, I have the most amazing ideas of how I could get my revenge... usually involving piercing your foot with my stiletto, or snapping a photo with my phone and then insta msg it to the carabiniere who will be waiting for you with a taser to blast your member with soo many volts of lightning that you will NEVER think of thinking  about using it ever again... Roast cazzo any one???

Now, please correct me if I am wrong, or if I am just being the little naive Canadian. 

This is NOT NORMAL. 

Or IS it?

 When I tell people here about the public prowling, it does not seem to be such a big deal.  Is it their sick way of getting a handle on the rampant Madona Whore Complex Syndrome that the catholics have been mustering up since mmmmmm 30 AD?  That is a LONG time you guys! And it would explain a lot. 

These dudes are fulfilling some sick long since programed urge to hunt for whores.  I am sure there is a hole other chapter of them fishing for fags... Serious, I think there is! Any ways back to the whores. So yeah, the whores for whom these brainwashed fools are hunting also have almost 2000 years worth of brainwashing to contend with too.

And she had better not swallow, ohh no! Once that news is out it will hit the  stands with the same velocity as a Paris sex tape on thepiratebay.com,  a serene face shot has the same street value as double fisting. Lady in the parlor, whore in the bedroom takes on a whole new meaning. 

You know, now that I am thinking of it. I received my first kiss at a St. Stephan's halloween party in the 8th grade. One minute I was sitting on the couch watching Scream 1 and the next, Lucas Soandso had his tung down my throat. How romantic.  I learnt quite quickly that you would always be invited to play spin the bottle, suck and blow or 7 minutes in heaven at the catholic school parties, where us public schooled pubescents were too busy trying to bootleg beers and create popcan bongs to even bother with our virginal libidos.

And if you Mister Wanksalot are reading this, next time you see me or any of my lady friends... do us and yourself a favor and keep it in your pants.

Love in all the RITE places.

VLC