THE RITE PLACES

                  

"WITH A TOUNG LIKE  A COW, SHE CAN MAKE YOU GO WOW"

Frank Zappa - 1979

I know, I know.... its a little heavy.  But so is having an erect penis shoved/waved in your face on a sunny Friday afternoon while minding your own P's and Q's passively on the tram. Or how about when taking a stroll down a beautiful -and may I add extreeeemly busy- public street to come across a doosh bag dressed in a white track-suit huffing and puffing while his little chub chub is getting a work out in the breeze. Ohh wait! Wait! I have another one for you! Yeah! Or that time when you and your friends went to picnic in the park just to be distracted by the man darting in and out of the peripheral bushes. One time with his belt undone, the other with his hands down the front of his pants, and then emerging with the savage beast out front for all to see. There  have been more than these close encounters with the perv kind and let me assure you they CAN in fact encounter you. Yes, the dirty plebs reach up your dress during rush hour on the metro and then there is the  "ohh it is so packed on this bus that I just need to jam my waist of man-hood into your thigh or lower back" with no sorry,  just this disgusting smug mug,  slimily sneering at you.   

You smarmy looser fucks, I want to kick your ass. Ohh I do so badly want to kick your ass. But in these moments I am so taken aback by your actual audacity that I freeze up cold and cryogenic, all Walt-like.   Afterwards when I thaw out, I have the most amazing ideas of how I could get my revenge... usually involving piercing your foot with my stiletto, or snapping a photo with my phone and then insta msg it to the carabiniere who will be waiting for you with a taser to blast your member with soo many volts of lightning that you will NEVER think of thinking  about using it ever again... Roast cazzo any one???

Now, please correct me if I am wrong, or if I am just being the little naive Canadian. 

This is NOT NORMAL. 

Or IS it?

 When I tell people here about the public prowling, it does not seem to be such a big deal.  Is it their sick way of getting a handle on the rampant Madona Whore Complex Syndrome that the catholics have been mustering up since mmmmmm 30 AD?  That is a LONG time you guys! And it would explain a lot. 

These dudes are fulfilling some sick long since programed urge to hunt for whores.  I am sure there is a hole other chapter of them fishing for fags... Serious, I think there is! Any ways back to the whores. So yeah, the whores for whom these brainwashed fools are hunting also have almost 2000 years worth of brainwashing to contend with too.

And she had better not swallow, ohh no! Once that news is out it will hit the  stands with the same velocity as a Paris sex tape on thepiratebay.com,  a serene face shot has the same street value as double fisting. Lady in the parlor, whore in the bedroom takes on a whole new meaning. 

You know, now that I am thinking of it. I received my first kiss at a St. Stephan's halloween party in the 8th grade. One minute I was sitting on the couch watching Scream 1 and the next, Lucas Soandso had his tung down my throat. How romantic.  I learnt quite quickly that you would always be invited to play spin the bottle, suck and blow or 7 minutes in heaven at the catholic school parties, where us public schooled pubescents were too busy trying to bootleg beers and create popcan bongs to even bother with our virginal libidos.

And if you Mister Wanksalot are reading this, next time you see me or any of my lady friends... do us and yourself a favor and keep it in your pants.

Love in all the RITE places.

VLC

MOET MONTAGE

WELCOMING 2009 WITH OPEN ARMS!

... AND MORE OPEN ARMS

... AND EVEN MORE OPEN ARMS!

 BEVERAGE CASCADE 

THE CROWD DOWN BELOW

MOVING FAST, NOT TOO SLOW

GOOD FRIEND ALL AGLOW 

THE TOWER AT NIGHT

THE END IN SIGHT

ANCORA DI PIU

DANCING WITH YOU!

U NO UNO?

STEP 1) - GO DOWN THERE AND PUSH PLAY ( >|| ) ... you know, set the mood.

STEP 2) - CHECK OUT SOME OF THE ART I HAVE BEEN UP TO...  you know, if you want.

STEP 3) - READ ON TO FIND OUT ABOUT THE WHEREABOUTS OF "IL CAPITANO"... you know.

" Celebrating Randomness"

I dedicate this to two friends.

Musa: thanks for the cutting device 

Thomas: BA NA NA 

- photoshop montage 

"Nightologist"

Christmas day eve in the countrylands

- Mixed media sketch

"THE STORY OF WIZARD ROCK"

I could not get a good pic of the hole shabam so this is a mash up.

- mixed media collage 

I am back in Rome tomorrow babes! And word on the street is that the IL CAPITANO is in town visiting us from his recluse habitat of the north,  the land of salmon and snow.  ***HINT: It is not Canada.

He is fond of whisky, Uno, his girl (so dont try anything bitches), and all things Calisto. You can probably spot him at the local Trastevere watering hole known as the BIG STAR. Be sure to check up stairs because he is also known for his GREEK DARTS abilities.

The search commences immediately. If you have heard of or seen this man please note that he may seem gentle and charming. THESE ARE JUST THE TRICKS he uses to seduce you into your first and most probably your last Uno game ever.

IL CAPITANO, if you are out there, I am proposing a showdown.

You bring your cards, Ill bring mine.

San Cally. Tomorrow. 10 pm. 

Last Parisian night love,

VLC

OH NINE

2009 came in with a bang. A gang bang if you will. A gang bang of  thoughts and emotions and inspirations and confusions and hopes and fears and dreams and and and. 

Now as my 3 day tyrant of a hang over is wearing off and have a sturdy meal of steak and eggs and two diet cokes paired with a rolled cigarette in side of me, I can see through the haze and catch a glimpse of light. 

And its bright. 

Kind of blinding actually.

Its kind of so bright and blinding that I am unable to make total sense of the hole thing. Its almost as if I was just birthed swiftly and fully charged into the new year.  And it all came out yesterday evening and induced  by the chopping of onions I was able to have a good cry. 

The sort of cry that creeps up on you out of the blue. Not like the pesky PMS'y moody waa waa tears. The true tears of release. And with a good friend by my side I ate a hearty warrior meal and talked about strategy and composed a plan for my next battle.

To all my friends whom I dearly miss;

Thank you for being a part of my army. 

All my love this evening from Paris.

VLC

LAST DAY OF '08

In  bed.

(Need to conserve all needed energy for tonight's event...)

Will have  detailed updates in the new year.

3:43 pm - over and out!

MISSION: OPERATION REAL DEAL

So, I have been traveling around quite a bit as of late. Living in Rome, birthday gifts to Paris and an extreme adventure in Lebanon. Hosting guests, completing final works and interviewing for the internship of my dreams.  Not being able to return home for christmas this year my good friend Firouz offered to host me over the holidays. 

I have now since reclined to the majestical phantasmagoric  lands of Brittany France in a small village, Kerarden, not far from the borders of  Vannes. Here is where I set the scenario for the current mission under toe.

Firouz (my trusty christmas 2008 comrade) has invited me to attend his best friends wedding which is planned to commence on the 28th of December in Paris. Giving us 1.37 days to get our christmas filled selves back to the big city and make some magic. 

You see my friends, this is where things get interesting. As we are following the strict -30% Credit Crunch Extravaganza tm  (please see  http://task-tactics.blogspot.com for more info regarding the -30% Credit Crunch Extravaganza tm ) and we did not achieve in finding Merlin this afternoon (reference photos are displayed above) we have had to recourse and import        the -50% Christmas Crunch Extravaganza tm  into our execution criteria.

I suppose I should let you in on exactly what we are executing.  You see,  this is not some minimal mission we are on here. This is the REAL DEAL. We have recently received note that there may be some wedding intricacies linked to the natural course of action that need to be overseen and monitored, but in a discrete and  incognitos manner.  After much heated deliberation Firouz the noted #1 Best Man and myself had arrived at the cure-all solution...   ENTER "THE PERSIAN DJ".  Firouz him self would go undercover and disguise him self as "THE PERSIAN DJ" and I,  VLC would double as "THE 8th WIFE". 

Following the strict -50% Christmas Crunch Extravaganza tm regiment we will need to gather and produce sufficient disguises and render a pelvis rattling  mix for the post wedding fiesta that is to commence on December 31st 2008.  Thus, giving us until  dawn of the new year to secure and stabilize any possible mis- happenings.

This is our mission and we have all knowingly accepted its responsibilities. There is sure to be road bumps and possible train wrecks along the way, but the mission is ours and we will not be stopped  in our pursuit of the tag teaming of our named plans. 

Signing out,

VLC in Kerarden

10 - 4 good buddy!